Making new friends in your late thirties. Why is my social calendar like ground zero?

Wail, gnash, wail…. Pity me, the friendless one.

I am happy, confident and reasonably successful in my chosen field. I take care of myself. I don’t suffer from body-odour, I’m only slightly sarcastic (most of the time). But, here I am in my late thirties looking at my to do’s which are mainly work or writing based feeling like I’m six and only being chosen to be a shepherd rather than the angel in the school nativity. Only popular girls were ever the “angels” and I was an awkward semi-ugly, precocious six year old.

I live in Birmingham, which is an urban centre and I am in a lovely relationship with a man that I think supports me to be a slightly better human being and self-aware enough to understand that my happiness is not someone else’s responsibility. I also don’t have a child so I can’t meet the friends (other parents), that apparently motherhood gives you, in your thirties and forties. Oops.

Yet, I miss having BFF’s. Friends, you can drink wine, laugh at the in-jokes and generally support each other through reality to stop you needing copious medication and regular assessments.

In my teens and twenties I was always in a threesome, usually two great mates and me in the middle. Life kinda, sorta, got in the way… I got married, moved areas a few times and my husband didn’t like me to spend time with other people. Yeah, I know (head hangs in shame…)

Now I’m thirty-eight (with a good supportive bloke) and whilst I do have some friends made through work… I find my social calendar a bit bereft. I am also ridiculously petrified of meeting new people through groups like “Meetup”.

Yes, I may share some social interests but aren’t they all freaks (like me?) and then it’s the time, effort and money that you have to put into these things. They all have scary subscriptions and memberships etc. It’s frankly exhausting….

I keep imagining these groups as a form of AA for the socially inept,

Me: “Hi, My name is Sarah and I don’t have friends anymore.”

Them: “Welcome Sarah, what are you interested in?”

Me: “Err, Dunno?”

Friendships don’t happen organically once you pass the big three “O”. Now that I’m in a relationship, in a new city, being able to work from home doesn’t help and the perks of being able to work in my racoon socks and sweats if I choose, are quite nice, yet I find myself hankering for a social… a coffee, a catch-up and a good ole fashion laugh.

Tonight, I did something a bit different and I’ve sent an email to the Birmingham writers group to see, if err, they’ll have me..  Who knows maybe my two new besties will be lurking there.

I’d love to hear from anyone who has attempted to widen their social circle….

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9 responses to “Making new friends in your late thirties. Why is my social calendar like ground zero?

  1. Thank you Nicole, I must admit I’d love to really do some good and help people. My real-life job prohibits it a little bit, I can have weeks where I am out the door at five-thirty and others where I have zero time. But it’s a great idea.

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  2. Speaking as a mom in her late forties, making friends after a while is just brutal. You may have connections with other moms, but that doesn’t guarantee you will have similar interests or even the desire to connect beyond bringing your children into proximity with each other. Making friends requires a kind of energy we have now allocated to our families…and therefore, is impossible. I’d say more, but I am exhausted from mending clothing. If I were wealthier, I would just throw these things away.

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    • That’s it. That’s the word – “brutal”. It’s really tough in this world to find others who are your kind of “crazy”. I hope you managed to get all those clothes done.

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  3. SJ, I am now 51 years old and my mosy of my BFF have been with me since my first career in banking when I was just 17. However, I have found some amazing new BFF’s quite recently and they honestly just “happened”. You couldn’t really have made any of them occur. But I think your initial idea of the writers group could be very good for you. All of my friendships take a bit of an effort to fit into the various diaries etc but, with good ones, as soon as you meet up the hassle of getting there is forgotten. Don’t give up on your search. I couldn’t have survived this far without mine. I love them all very, very much. Good luck.
    x

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