I am happy, confident and reasonably successful in my chosen field. I take care of myself. I don’t suffer from body-odour, I’m only slightly sarcastic (most of the time). But, here I am in my late thirties looking at my to do’s which are mainly work or writing based feeling like I’m six and only being chosen to be a shepherd rather than the angel in the school nativity. Only popular girls were ever the “angels” and I was an awkward semi-ugly, precocious six year old.
I live in Birmingham, which is an urban centre and I am in a lovely relationship with a man that I think supports me to be a slightly better human being and self-aware enough to understand that my happiness is not someone else’s responsibility. I also don’t have a child so I can’t meet the friends (other parents), that apparently motherhood gives you, in your thirties and forties. Oops.
Yet, I miss having BFF’s. Friends, you can drink wine, laugh at the in-jokes and generally support each other through reality to stop you needing copious medication and regular assessments.
In my teens and twenties I was always in a threesome, usually two great mates and me in the middle. Life kinda, sorta, got in the way… I got married, moved areas a few times and my husband didn’t like me to spend time with other people. Yeah, I know (head hangs in shame…)
Now I’m thirty-eight (with a good supportive bloke) and whilst I do have some friends made through work… I find my social calendar a bit bereft. I am also ridiculously petrified of meeting new people through groups like “Meetup”.
Yes, I may share some social interests but aren’t they all freaks (like me?) and then it’s the time, effort and money that you have to put into these things. They all have scary subscriptions and memberships etc. It’s frankly exhausting….
I keep imagining these groups as a form of AA for the socially inept,
Me: “Hi, My name is Sarah and I don’t have friends anymore.”
Them: “Welcome Sarah, what are you interested in?”
Me: “Err, Dunno?”
Friendships don’t happen organically once you pass the big three “O”. Now that I’m in a relationship, in a new city, being able to work from home doesn’t help and the perks of being able to work in my racoon socks and sweats if I choose, are quite nice, yet I find myself hankering for a social… a coffee, a catch-up and a good ole fashion laugh.
Tonight, I did something a bit different and I’ve sent an email to the Birmingham writers group to see, if err, they’ll have me.. Who knows maybe my two new besties will be lurking there.
I’d love to hear from anyone who has attempted to widen their social circle….